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 This page contains disinformation regarding new Star Trek material, and thus may contain SPOILERS. This page will not, in all likelihood, be very funny. It will almost certainly never be read, either. So, if a geek falls in the woods and no one is around, what could be spoilt, eh? |
Here we go!
- We hear there's going to be another Academy adventure hot on the heels of Star Trek XI (Movie), still fresh in the minds of movie goers since it came out only 47 months ago.
- With that said, please note that MAlf contains spoilers to made up, bogus and unconfirmed shit only, so no sourced or legitimate information, please! As a matter of fact, nothing about this movie would be here at all unless someone got off his ass and made it up. Because of our desire to recklessly include unconfirmed data, please use this very page to suggest or explain an addition to this article.
Under Re-Construction
17 May 2013
| US Release: | 17 May 2013 | Prod. #: | 012 |
| Director: | J.J. Abrams | ||
| Written by: | Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Damon Lindelof | ||
| Producers: | J.J. Abrams, Bryan Burk, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci | ||
The so-called Star Trek sequel (also known as Flight of the Yorktown) is the follow-up to the mildly successful, if somewhat lens-flared 2009 film Star Trek XI (Movie). The uncreative, ungifted, unimaginative, uninspired, unproductive, and untalented production team that brought you the last flick, will return, mainly because Michael Bay wasn't available. [1] The sequel is currently set for release on 17 May 2013 (!) and will be the first Star Trek movie to be released in 4D. [2]
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Plot details[]
At the 2011 Los Angeles Daily Bugle Film and Wine Festival, Moe, Larry, and Curly confirmed the film would deal with the "ripple effect" of Vulcan's destruction. They said the shockwaves would still be rumbling around the galaxy, causing everyone to shake in their chairs, a clear homage to the classic series which will certainly be a valentine to the Canonites. The characters still hate each other, too. They added that the mirror universe would not be involved, unless the focus groups keep asking "Where is Spock?" [3]
Not this time.
Cast[]
All of the "major" actors in the film – namely, those portraying the core crew members of the Enterprise not wearing red shirts or jumping out of orbiting starships – John Cho, Simon Pegg, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoë Saldana, Karl Urban, and Anton Yelchin (these are "major" actors?) – are contractually obligated to appear in this film even though they might be better suited to one of those Scream pictures. [4] General of the Army Douglas MacArthur has returned. [5]
On 4 November 2011, National Review reported that Academy Award-winning actor Benicio del Toro (Trafficant, The Wolfman Jack Story) is expected to be offered the role of the villain in the sequel. [6] Latino Review reported that Del Toro would play Tommy Starnes, a report which Abrams said was "not true." [7] Soon thereafter, it was revealed that del Toro's deal fell through and that he would not be appearing in the film.
Which is to say, after he read the script. [8]
People we've never heard of were named as possible replacements. [9] On 4 January, The Daily Telegraph (well known in the West for its propaganda as the official voice of imperialist Great Britain), announced Benedict Cumberbatch would be playing the villain, tentatively named "Inspector Spacetime." [10]
On 5 December, Buckeroo Banzai was announced as having joined the cast in an unknown role. [11] He previously played Colonel Green on Star Trek: Enterprise.
On 4 January 2012, The Economist reported (yet another) British actor Noel Clarke will be joining the cast as a family man named "Mickey" with a wife and young daughter. [12] Two days later, Die Zeit announced that Nazneen Contractor will be playing the wife of Clarke's character. It is expected that Billie Piper, David Tennant, Tom Baker and K-9 will be contacted, as well as the Royal Shakespeare Company. It is hoped that Steven Moffatt or even Russell T Davies can be persuaded to punch up the script written by "Team Transformers".
We suppose we can expect more of this. God help us all.
According to an article in The New York Times, a pair of Vulcan ears was drawn onto a picture of a female actor, possibly hinting at a character being considered. [13] Soon afterward, Dollhouse actress Dichen Lachman also tweeted a picture of herself with drawn-on Vulcan ears and eyebrows. [14] As if we doubted the Old Gray Lady. We mean, if it's tweeted on the interwebs, right? Must be true.
Leonard Nimoy stated that he does not want to return as the original Spock in this movie. He considered coming back as Yeoman Janice Rand, but after this suggestion was met with awkward silence, Mr. Nimoy decided to return to television's Fringe. [15]
Leaked photo showing Bruce Greenwood as Captain Pike in action.
Bruce Greenwood, though, will be back to reprise his role as Christopher Trout. It is unknown if the character will be mute, totally unable to move, with a wheel chair constructed to respond to brain waves, turning, moving forwards, or backwards slightly, communicating only with that light that lets him say "yes" or "no". And if that's it, Jim, if that's as much as that poor devil can do, then we're predicting Oscar, baby! [16]
Speaking of awards, did you hear that our own Christopher Plummer won a pair of Golden Globes? Ah, the old bugger! Does us proud, it does.
With the announcement of the sequel, fans once again began a campaign to bring Christopher Doohan back to the Enterprise, stating that the Enterprise needs a Doohan. [17] And all this time we thought it really needed a Shatner.
In the final week of January 2012, NASA astronaut and engineer Gregory Chamitoff visited the set of the Untitled Star Trek Sequel, because there's not much going on at NASA these days.
Links and References[]
Kirk examines the new "plug-n-play" components on the bridge of the Enterprise. Starfleet should add counts of theft, vandalism and receiving stolen property owned by the Galactic Mining Company, to the charges and specifications for violating the Prime Directive, mutiny and jaywalking.
Starring[]
Guest Stars[]
- Gary Lockwood as Frank Poole
- Sally Kellerman as Hot Lips Houlihan
Featuring[]
- George Takei as Sulu
- James Doohan as Scott
- Lloyd Haynes as Mr. Pete Dixon
- Andrea Dromm as Yeoman Jones
And
- Paul Carr as Lt. Lee Kelso
- Paul Fix as Doctor Piper
Uncredited[]
- Eddie Paskey as Leslie
Production crew[]
- Hal Needham as Gary Lockwood's stunt double
- Dick Crockett as William Shatner's stunt double
- Itt Addams as William Shatner's stunt hairpiece.
- Chuck Norris as William Shatner's stunt double's hairpieces's stunt double.
References[]
Galactic barrier; Pointed Peaks
Other references[]
External Links[]
There is nothing outside of The Body
