Star Trek: Enterprise (2003–2005)----
|Created by:|| Rick Berman and/or|
|Original run:||First episode to last episode|
|Episodes:||97 (4 or so seasons, got to count again)|
|The cast of Star Trek: Enterprise|
Star Trek Enterprise (aka Star Trek: The One Nobody Saw) is the fifth live-action Star Trek series to be performed in front of a live studio audience. Created by Rick Berman and Brannon Braga while watching episodes of Family Guy in their friend's basement, based upon Gene Roddenberry's original 1966ish Star Trek: The Original Series series. Enterprise was a prequel, in an attempt to garner increased ratings (*snickers*), which originally did not feature the title 'Star Trek', thus making it a series on it's own until viewers found it to similar to Star Trek. Once said people left their basement, they read their local TV Guide and found out that it actually was a Trek series.
People went somewhere and did nothing. What difference does it make, you probably didn't like this show anyway. Sod off guv.
If there is an opposite to everything in existence, this would be known as "Anti-Cannon."
There are some time traveling, but most times something bad happens. (then again, who cares)
At least Hoshi was hot. (Yeah... Right....)
Hoshi pailed in comparisain to T'pol, she would be considered ugly.
- Super Captain Jonathan Archer (The Captain one) - Scott Bakula
- Extreme Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III (The weird sounding one) - Connor Trinneer
- Ensign Travis Mayweather (The black one) - Anthony Montgomery(he's been in space!)
- Sub-Captain T'Pol (the nekkid one, who was hottest in Bounty) - Jolene Blalock
- Commander Lieutenant Malcolm Read (the english-ish one, gov) - Dominic Keating
- Ensign Hoshi Sato (the azn one) - Linda Park (she was prettier to some and uglyer to most than the nekkid one)
- Doctor Phlox, PhD, PharmD, MD, MHA, MFS, MMS, MSD, BMedSc, B.Kin (the neelix one) - John Billingsley (no ass)
You all sucked.
|Broken Bow||1x01/02||001||16 April 2151|
|Fight or Flight||1x03||003||6 May 2151|
|Strange New World||1x04||004||Unknown|
|The Andorian Incident||1x07||007||Unknown|
|Breaking the Ice||1x08||008||Unknown|
|Civilization||1x09||009||31 July 2151|
|Cold Front||1x11||011||9 September 2151|
|Silent Enemy||1x12||012||1 September 2151|
|Shadows of P'Jem||1x15||014||Unknown|
|Shuttlepod One||1x16||016||9 November 2151|
|Fallen Hero||1x23||023||9 February 2152|
|Desert Crossing||1x24||024||12 February 2152|
|Two Days and Two Nights||1x25||025||18 February 2152|
Criticism, Reception, and LegacyEdit
There were no good episodes of Enterprise. Not a one. This is a marvelous feat considering they had great actors and a big budget. The Captain was Scott Bakula, who was ordained a Saint by the Holy Church of Nerds back in 1992 for fuck's sake. Enterprise's greatest legacy shall forever be how badly it fucking sucked.
I mean, have a look at these!
- Impulse - An episode where a ship has been found to be full of zombies. Despite this, it is boring and nigh unwatchable. This is something along the lines of making a cake out of sunshine, rainbows, and babies' laughter yet the end product tastes like shit covered in week old semen.
- Bound- The one that contains half naked Orion slavegirl triplets and still manages to suck. TRIPLETS!
- Unexpected- A holodeck malfunction story in an era without holodecks.
- Dawn- A full-on goddamned inexcusable ripoff. I like to think Rick Berman will be one of the first casualties of the Drac invasion.
Some episodes do come close to being downright watchable. Carbon Creek, Dead Stop, Similitude, Observer Effect, and the two part series finale of Terra Prime and Demons can be viewed without causing serious vomiting.
Of course, we must also remember those wonderful moments of television Enterprise provided for us, the viewers. An entire episode on the virtue of genocide, decon paste orgies, and full-on sexism will always ring dearly in our hearts.
- Star Trek: Enterprise was the first series to implement the Starfleet Enhanced Ranking System 2.5.